“A letter from your cat complaining about how you take care of it.”
To: All menials of the Whiskers Estate
From: Mr. Cornelius H. Whiskers, Esquire
Subject: Standard QoW
Loyal retainers, this is a message from your employer, Mr. Whiskers, regarding a serious and disturbing issue that has come to Our attention. There has been a sharp decline in the quality of work at this estate, and this is unacceptable. We fully expect the following issues to be rectified immediately.
–Item A: Litterbox cleanings have fallen behind schedule. The decreed agenda states daily cleanings, but for nearly a month now cleanings have occurred only twice weekly. This is inadmissible. We understand the temptation to rationalize away the need for daily cleanings for a single feline, but We scheduled it this way for a reason, and that schedule shall be kept.
–Item B: The quality of our dining has dwindled alarmingly. If the chef will refer to the approved entree list, We are certain he will not find the misleadingly named “Fancy Feast” among the entries. We expect fresh Pollock with catnip butter this evening. This is not up for discussion.
–Item C: We know We have covered this last subject in past memos, but it would appear a recap is again necessary. When furniture is lacerated, it does not mean to hide the damaged portion behind a throw pillow. What it does mean is to REPLACE IT. We are allowing one week to dispose of every tagged piece of furniture on the estate and supplant them with new items to be reviewed on Monday.
In closing, if these situations are not remedied with utmost haste, We shall be verydispleased. We do not want to pass out Pink Mice any more than you want to receive them, but downsizing may be in order.
Cornelius H Whiskers, Esquire
Original Prompt: Reddit – Letter From Your Cat