The Louisville Lip

Writing Prompt:
“Just as Jafar is about to convince the Sultan to marry his daughter Jasmine to him, wild cheering can be heard outside the castle walls. Upon further inspection they see a crowd of people welcoming the arrival of a foreign prince, Muhammad Ali!”

 

Hey, clear the way to the roped off ring,
Hey you! Let us through, it’s the boxing king,
Just don’t piss him off, or he’ll stuff you in the can!
Get up!
Grab a beer!
Clap your hands!
Scream and cheer!
You’re gonna love this man!

Cassius Clay – Such a B.A. – call him Muhammad.
Knock you out in the first bout,
Flat on your ass.
The Greatest, that is for sure,
The pugilist we prefer,
So come and see the incredible fighting Cass!

Mr. Ali – I guarantee, he’ll take the title.
Stronger than other great men, don’t you agree?
Sent Liston running in fear!
And he brought Foreman to tears!
The best at kicking your rear –
Muhammad Ali!

He had three separate heavyweight titles
56th win in ’78
He’s an expert at hitting your vitals
Has he gotta right
That’ll end the fight!
Oh, I’m telling you that he’s great!

Cassius Clay – better make way, or he’ll destroy you.
The People’s Champ – sounds a bit camp – his sobriquet,
Just watch the ladies all scream
And see the fellas turn green
A lean, mean, fighting machine!
That Cassius Clay!

All this time, he has only five losses
Started fighting before puberty
In a game, he’d beat all of the bosses
Making them drop
With a right chop
It’s a wondrous sight to see!
Oh, Ali!
Muhammad Ali!

Mr. Ali – from Kentucky, he is a winner.
Jasmine may land him today, if she’s lucky.
He’s an unstoppable force,
No mercy and no remorse!

‘Cause no one can hit
What they can’t see,
Floats like a butterfly
Stings like a bee,
He ducks and shuffles and jabs and pummels
And wins the scuffles with glee!
The Greatest!
Muhammad Aliiiiiiii!

Original Prompt: Reddit – Muhammad Ali

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The Louisville Lip

Yob Tvoyu Mat`

Writing Prompt:
“You will die if you tell a lie. Saying things like, “See you tomorrow” is a very risky procedure.”

At long last, the atmosphere was perfect. Stuart had gone to extreme lengths to make it so. Total sensuality was the goal, and he was finally confident that he’d achieved it.

He’d put in days of thorough research to cobble together an ultimate play-lust, carefully crafted to take listeners from first meetings through thrilling new discoveries and onward, deep into the throes of passion. He’d formulated and prepared a signature dish containing rare Fugu fish from Japan, Vietnamese cobra blood, Peruvian Maca root and Durian from Malaysia, all disguised as a tempting stuffed veal cutlet with a glass of Barbaresco and chocolates to follow. It was in effect a potent love potion. Well, a love-making potion. He had even dropped a pretty penny on some natural Agarwood to fill his home with a scent that would allegedly make the loins quiver. It was a shame he wouldn’t get to enjoy the fruits of his labor.

Stuart was good friends with one of his coworkers, a very attractive woman in her early 30’s named Cherie. She was a Quality Control Technician at the facility where he worked. Over the last two weeks he had been carefully and clearly talking up one of the Salesmen, a… difficult person named Brad. As much as he hated to do it, he had become the catalyst for their relationship out of necessity. He had slipped up, and there was only one way out of it.

And so, tonight’s blind date. It was Brad and Cherie’s first official evening together outside the workplace, and that pri… insufferable man was going to need all the help he could get to go all the way. Was it worth the thousands of dollars spent, the weeks of his life dedicated to getting another man laid, the knowledge that he’d have to burn his bedsheets and sanitize his whole home? Yes. That didn’t mean he had to like it.

Stuart stuck around just long enough to let the pair into his home and show them around briefly. He forced a grin through their thank-you-so-much’s and their small talk. Then he let himself out, explaining that he had “matters to see to.” True enough. Using the approaching darkness as cover he quickly made his way around the side of the house and crouched in the bushes under the dining room window.


An hour passed. Stuart’s calves were aching from holding a squat and his exposed arms were itching from a myriad of minute scratches. He grouchily reminded himself that it was worth it, that this was his only option. Bitter medicine, indeed. He’d be very careful in the future not to use expletives to describe others except in the most literal sense, no matter how well-deserved they may be. He refocused on the conversation between Brad and Cherie, barely audible through the pane glass. “So, Cherie, how’s little Jamie doing? Still a handful?”

 

Original Prompt: Reddit – Death by Lie

Yob Tvoyu Mat`